Connection.
That’s one of my values.
To me, Connection is to feel a sense of belonging and being accepted and appreciated - just as I am. Seen, heard and valued.
Connection can be deep, powerful healing.
You know those times, when you’re with your people - those who see you, hear you and value what you have to say and whom you love to see and hear and you value what they say… Aren’t those times just the best? Isn’t that what life is about?
I’m thinking of some of those people in my life and their faces are just so beloved to me that when I see them in my mind’s eye I feel a squeeze in my heart. A kind of yearning for them. Sometimes to see them in the flesh causes that same kind of tug at the heart and I can’t help but squish them tight in an overzealous hug. I’m renowned for hugging with both arms wrapped round and a chin hooked over your shoulder (or face nestled in to your chest if you’re tall), while standing on your toes.
When there is connection like that I feel allowed to be me and that I don’t have to have all the answers or always get it right. There’s room for exploration and chewing over ideas and throwing stuff out there and trust that we’re not going to be judged or deemed unworthy or unloveable if we say the ‘wrong’ thing. We don’t always agree, and disagreement doesn’t threaten the bond.
This kind of connection allows for growth.
Spiritual teacher Ram Dass said we’re all just “walking eachother home”. Our relationships can help us to grow spiritually. In those relationships I really feel that. When we’re held in relationships that affirm us and our experience and give us room to be and explore all that we are, we have great opportunity to deepen in our self understanding. Do you have friends like that? Who always see the best in you? And hold you in high esteem and love, no matter if you come to them feelin’ down, or mad, or if you tell them some horrible thing you said or did?
Of course, some relationships are fraught with difficulty and we can suffer terribly in relationship with others. Even difficult relationships can be ‘part of the curriculum’ in Earth School according to Ram Dass. Please note, difficult is different from dangerous - please don’t think it’s spiritual work to get along with people that may harm you.
But when we have difficulty with another person, tough feelings that come up or tension, if we feel safe and resourced enough, it can be an opportunity to understand something about ourselves. If we choose, we might ask: ‘What does this dynamic reveal to me about myself?’
I have one such difficult relationship in my own life. When I’m with this person, who has always been a part of my life, I don’t feel safe to express myself authentically. Whenever I speak my truth, no matter how benign the subject matter, I’m shut down, belittled, intimidated.
It’s taken me a long time to recognise and value myself enough to put a strong boundary in place.
I love Prentis Hemphill’s description of boundaries:
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously”.
I always felt shame about the dynamic that existed between myself and this person. I had a faulty idea that it signalled some sort of failing on my behalf to love unconditionally. But I feel now that this distance is integral to me loving that person. There’s no way to love them in closer proximity and feel safe. And I’m worthy of safety. I have a right to safety.
So that’s part of what I think this relationship is revealing to me. It’s teaching me about self worth. In this relationship I have to dial up my self worth. And, it’s shown me that I value being able to express myself.
Still, even as I write these words, I know there’s still a way to go, some opportunities for growth… I feel a little shaky and also just a bit glum thinking of being in their company again and knowing what work that will be for me. Hmmm… [taking a pause to hold myself with tenderness].
…
But coming back to those loving, joyful moments of Connection. Yum.
It’s my intention is to foster and facilitate moments of connection. Beautiful, healing, powerful Connection. That’s why I am making a commitment to sharing with as much honesty as I can bear, with those who are here, trusting that those who join us in this space are those who are willing to and are open to receive me.
Speaking my truth, is me, touching my heart.
When I share my ‘truest truth’, my ‘truest truth’ can touch your heart.
When we touch eachothers’ hearts, well that’s when the sparks fly!
So if my words have ever touched your heart, thank you. Thank you for receiving me so graciously. It is an honour to be connected to you.
Now my next consideration is, how do I hear more from you? It’s a joy for me to express myself and feel heard and I’d love to hold space for you to share your truest truths with me and with each other. Gosh there are some of the best humans in the world in this group.
If you have an interest in a moderated sharing circle of some kind, let me know. I’m opening myself up to the possibility of a heartful gathering online. Would you be up for something like that?